Controversial Children’s Clothes

This has been a bugbear of mine since having my darling daughter 6 years ago. I’m conflicted: I want to be cool and appear to not be fussed about silly things, but the old-school feminist, pro-people-having-respect part of me gets annoyed and cross about them.

Gallery of children’s clothes here.

I mean, The Babymop is just funny. Surely no mom would think it was a real item.

But this one?

I just find this offensive. It’s age-inappropriate, not to mention that it smacks of misogynism.

The baby bikini body is just humorous to me: .

I don’t see it as making a child look older than she/he is. It’s obvious that it’s a onesie and it’s surely obvious that the little kid wearing it is years away from being curvy and filling out a bikini.

I’m not cool with onesies that have swear words on them or intimate that the child is looking for a MILF. That’s just yuck.

The more I think about this, the more my head hurts. I’m going to have a cup of coffee and read the newspaper. That’s less controversial.

 

Selfish dads brought into the equation

A while ago I wrote about Dr Barry Walters who claimed older mothers were ‘selfish’ for having children later in life, complete with the mothers’ possible health problems and complications.

I mentioned that it’s not one sex alone – what about the men?

Today I read an article that also asks “Where are the dads?” Damn fine question.

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/where-are-dads-in-the-age-debate-20111031-1mrdb.html

 

You’re an older mum? Shame! You’re selfish!

Well, that’s what Dr Barry Walters says.

“I see many, many women with diabetes, high blood pressure and all sorts of medical problems and, of course, the older the woman is, the more likely she’s got medical problems,” he said. [...]

But that’s just the start of it. You see, that means the older mum’s offspring will have to look after an elderly mother when they are starting out in adult life.

“They (their children) are starting out in life, having a family, working, getting mortgages and have to deal with geriatric parents,” he said. “It’s just not fair.” [...]

“I’m looking at 20 years down the track. We’ve got 20 year olds with mothers who have had heart attacks, strokes and are on dialysis for kidney failure for diabetes.”

Dr Walters, perhaps you should be having a word with the “Selfish Fathers” who can’t commit to a marriage with children until they’re in their late 30s because they have spent a couple of decades thinking that some hotter, better woman will turn up, or who thinks that kids are a millstone round their neck or will drain their savings or get in the way of them partying.

Why am I an older mother? Because I was on medication for quite a few years after I was married that had serious implications for any foetus I might carry. I was sensible and chose to not get pregnant while there was a chance of that happening. Crazy, I know. It had nothing to do with how much we wanted a child or how much money we’d saved or how many overseas trips we’d taken. It was a health matter.

 

If you don’t have a kid, then why don’t you shut up?

Ooh, I’m rude. I think that sometimes but so far, coming up to five years of DD and her funny behaviour, I’ve managed to keep that thought to myself. I’ve rolled my eyes or given people the evil eye but I have heroically managed to avoid telling someone to shut up if they’re not in my situation.

That said, I felt a twinge of recognition when reading Danielle Sparks’ Heckler column yesterday. Go on, click on the link and read it. If you’re a parent, you will probably recognise that feeling. Of course, if you’re self-centred and pompous and only remember bringing up children who were perfect from Day 1 and you beat them with the jug cord regularly, you will of course feel nothing for the mother and feel she had it coming because she had the audacity to take a child to Ikea instead of keeping the child at home in a quiet room until primary school.

I’ve had enough of people being rude about kids having a ‘moment’ or a tantrum in public. I’m not happy when it happens during a movie unless it’s the Mums and Bubs session at the local cinema (specifically designed for kids who have those sorts of moments). But shopping? Hey, parents have to shop at some point, not all can arrange some convenient home delivery, and kids have to get used to different groups of people, crowds, shops, atmospheres and so on.

The drawback is that occasionally a kid will chuck a wobbly, sometimes an A-grade wobbly, and people will give you “The Look”. I remember it. It’s the “How dare you” look, the “Thank God I’m childfree” look, and the “I deserve peace and quiet and have never, ever created a fuss in my entire, perfect, blame-free life”.

Thank goodness for the women and men I’ve seen at the local supermarket where kid-sized meltdowns often happen after tiring or hot days. These are the people who resolutely ignore the noise coming from the aggrieved child – thank you. And sometimes there can be a gentle word: “You’re doing OK.”

Yes, tantrums and wailing children are horrible things to hear. No, these tantrums are not designed solely to hurt people’s ears. No, it doesn’t mean we’re bad parents or the child is defective.

And if you have the nerve to say “When I have children, they won’t do that”, I may then have a hard time struggling to not say “If you don’t have a kid, just be quiet.”

 

“7 Mummy Sins”, but not apparently the ones done by Daddy or Aunty or Uncle …

Seriously, the title of this article stinks. On the surface, it looks like one of those tee-hee, look at me, I do some daft things as a mummy and maybe some of them are ill-advised, so hey, let’s get some so-called experts give their take on it, and voila, here is an article with a snappy headline. And blow me down if I didn’t get caught in the trap of reading the darn thing.

Let me save you time. Basically you aren’t a bad mum if you feed your kid the occasional dinner of baked beans instead of a gourmet meal of pureed organic vegies and a teeny bit of steak from a named cow, or if your kid goes through a phase of only eating one or two things. Things are getting questionable if you use tv all the time to babysit your kids, or if they’re drinking from a baby bottle when they’re old enough to go to preschool. It’s inadvisable to give kids sweets every day – keep them as a “sometime” treat.

WHY is it necessary to make the mother the sinner, the evil one who has to cut corners to get things done, who does things sloppily or holds onto old habits because she doesn’t have time to work on new habits or behaviours? How about coming up with “7 Daddy Sins”? Let me start the list, thinking of some men I have known in the past.

“I leave my kid watching TV all afternoon while I sneak off to my study to play wargames.”

“I take my kid to fastfood restaurants because I couldn’t be stuffed cooking a proper meal for myself and my kid, and besides, I don’t really like vegies and I love hamburgers.”

“I do everything to get out of looking after my kid and I call it babysitting when I do look after him.”

Go on, make your own list!

 

Exercise the lazy way

Dog walking while you drive the car. A man was caught walking his dog (lead out the window of the car) while driving very slowly on a little-used road. He was fined and lost points off his licence.

About 15 years ago I lived in Kambah, which, like many Canberra suburbs, has a veritable rabbit warren of small, quiet streets. One summer night when coming home from choir around 9 pm, I rounded the corner and had to brake suddenly. In front of me was a yellow Kombi van driving very slowly, hugging the curb. I thought maybe the driver was in trouble. Then … I saw it. Walking on the nature strip was a huge dog on a lead which lead into the van. Sighing, I put on the indicators and overtook the van and thought no more of it. Until today when I read the BBC online news item.

 

I confess

My list of minor mea culpas.

1. I can’t stand Bob Dylan or Neil Young, even if most of my friends think they’re the cat’s pyjamas.

2. I blame other people for messes sometimes. Makes me look slightly less disgusting.

3. I have blamed my DD for creating marks on my work shirts. The truth is, I am too lazy to change a shirt just because there’s a mark on it. Heck, it may even be toothpaste from clumsy me.

4. I don’t read enough. I slob around and watch TV because that takes less effort. My years of university study must have worn me out.

5. I procrastinate. That’s why it took me so long to write this list.

6. I find my OCD too hard to deal with sometimes, but other times I sort of like it because it validates me being different.

7. I forgot to RSVP to DD’s friend’s birthday party until today. Party is on Saturday. I suck.

8. Sometimes I don’t take a stand when I should. Like telling people to stop being mean or homophobic, or that their words are like arrows rather than amusing bons mots. I’m getting a bit better with this but I still quake in my shoes while I’m telling people.

8.a. Actually, it was worth growing a spine and standing up for things more often.

9. I left my previous church because I couldn’t stand the music. It was appalling and I hate choruses anyway. I didn’t have the guts to tell the minister that that was the principal reason for leaving.

10. I’ve fallen asleep during intercessory prayers at church. That’s why I don’t kneel for prayers. Well, that, and the fact that my knees and back are getting worse.

11. I compare myself to other mothers and sometimes I fall short, and other times I am smug and think “Thank goodness I’m not like her”. I’m particularly ashamed about that.

 

Mind Your Manners

OK, I had to come up with something better than my previous post. I can’t stay depressed all day.

Here is a link to Alison Godfrey’s blog on the news.com.au blog list.

If a toddler saying “ta” can make shop assistants smile, there must be far too many people out there without basic manners. And certainly, parents must forget to teach their kids to say those important words.

But am I expecting too much? Do you teach your kids to say please and thank you? Do you think Australians have forgotten their manners? Or do you think those little courtesies are outdated and not needed?

I have done similar things with DD. She says “Please” and “Thank you” but it’s the result of constant repetition and praise. She’s learnt that you get sweeter results when you ask politely, and people are nice to you as well. Bonus all round. I’ve noticed a number of people smiling at DD when she asks for something politely and I’m sure that politeness adds to charm (hey, I’m her mum and I’m meant to be biased!).

We’ve been working on “Please may I be excused?” for table manners after I discovered she would wriggle free and wander off once she’d eaten the interesting things on her plate. The other thing that drives me nuts is the constant “What? What?” when she mishears what I say or was woolgathering when I gave her a task to do. I figure she could at least say “I beg your pardon” which would be a change from “What?” Still a work in progress. I’m not perfect, nor is she.

So what would I like to change in this world? I’d like adults to be more responsive to little kids who say hello to them – I’m not asking for a conversation, just a polite “hello” in return. I’d like adults to model better manners as much as possible so that DD can’t turn to me and say “But *he* pushed past us!” I guess I can live in hope that DD’s shriek of anguish at people’s rudeness will carry down the supermarket aisles or post office queues and land firmly in the ears of the rude people who offended her.

 

Widow’s Cooties

C’mon, there are probably better ways to describe it but you know what I mean.

It’s the germs that people with bad luck or awful situations have. It’s the aversion that the ‘lucky’ or the ‘healthy’ or ‘functional’ have towards those who are in bad places.

I’ve experienced this with mental health – apparently nobody likes depressives (which makes recovery even more difficult) and one place thought that all I needed was prayer, more prayer and possibly an exorcism to remove my spirit of wilfully not obeying the Lord’s wish that I worship him gladly. I tell you, gladness is not on a depressive’s mind.

What about widows? Ah, they’re a special category. Providing that they are ‘morally pure’, then they are deserving of pity, maybe charity if the situation merits it, and also should be kept at the back of the cupboard so nobody can see them. They’re not meant to celebrate anything or even show an occasional flash of humour.

Most of all, widows shouldn’t count on being spoken to at all. No Christmas cards (even when the widow sends a card to you), no phone calls during the holiday season (it’s time they got over it, you know), and don’t even think of asking them to come to supper or enjoy a coffee with you. It’s not as if they’ll notice you having fun with others and pointedly not even inviting the widow.

Bitter? Not quite. I’ve found out who is my friend, who can’t be trusted, and who thinks I will contaminate them. In a strange way, that is one of the best gifts of Christmas.

 

Nativity Play Madness

Yes, I mean it. I am speaking from experience when in kindergarten, being relegated to umpteenth shepherd on the left, wearing an ugly costume made from an old, discarded stripy flannelette sheet, and stumbling towards a cardboard stable that wouldn’t meet council approval.

Please, please tell me that this article is a hoax. Manger chic, for crying out loud.

The rise in so-called “manger chic” has seen parents spend up to 150 pounds ($250) on arctic fur throws for children cast as sheep and ivory bridesmaid dresses for angels, according to department stores group Debenhams.

Is it a competition to have the cutest shepherds or gaudiest angels? Is this trend exacerbated by having more parents taping and photographing children’s school nativity plays? What’s next? Extra make-up for Mary and a West End-quality false beard from Angel’s for Joseph? Excuse me. My eyes are rolling a little quickly at this point.