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Tag Archives: toddlers
Nothing bright and breezy to post today. I am struggling with back pain yet again. Yes, I get physiotherapy and I do all my exercises and I am trying to lose weight. In the meantime, I have to suck it up and deal with it. I also have severe neck and shoulder pain today.
Added to this is trying to explain to my DD why I can’t pick her up. She’s tall and solid and true to toddler form, she will do the amazing flop while I’m holding her hand and walking. That’s where suddenly there’s a huge weight dangling off your wrist and your shoulder threatens to pop out of its socket with the downward exerted force. Tempted as I am, I do not let go and leave her on a busy pavement to her own devices. She also chooses to do a flop at the dirtiest spot in the path or next to a puddle or right beside a pile of possum poo. Go figure.
Rotten thing to say to a kid? You bet. But apparently one bloke thinks it’s fine to say that to his young son if he looks like he’s going to start blubbering.
I was fascinated by Kylie Orr’s blog entry Pressure to raise a ‘tough boy’. She’s the mother of three boys and a good writer, too. (Andrea, I think you’d like her blog.) Kylie knows there are sweeping generalisations made about boys and crying, how they should toughen up, and how that same mindset isn’t applied to girls.
I am conscious of raising sensitive males not “sooks”. And to me, there is a difference. Sooking and whinging are not encouraged in our home, but we do not chastise our boys for crying if they are hurt or upset. Isn’t this half the problem in adult males? No room to express their true feelings for fear of ridicule and accusations of not being a “real” man?
I see what she means.
It also makes me think about my attitudes towards DD’s crying. Sometimes she bungs it on – and we know it! She looks highly peeved when we call her on it. As a three year old, sometimes her tears are from fear of punishment (though I didn’t actually know that the naughty corner was worth tears), other times it’s empathy, or on the rare occasion, pain from bumping her toes or tiredness from not having a nap. Would I tell a son to suck it up and be a man? Or accept that he was simply exhausted and unable to express it in words? I’d like to think that I would be even-handed and understanding, but I also know that in the heat of the moment, intentions of gender equity can be overridden by old, learned habits.
Please hold onto your dearest, most loved toy cat. If anything happens to it, I can’t get another on the lovie black market. Trust you to love a toy that was made in Peru, bought in the US, and never sold in Australia.
Last week I had a mad dash home to collect your kitty. Your dad has grabbed kitty for you when you’ve tossed it out of the pram, I’ve grabbed it from filthy airport floors and dug around in bed clothes to find it. That cat has travelled more than most 3 year olds.
Lots of love
A Guide for Toddlers
1. Ensure you wake 30 minutes after your mother has fallen asleep. Make sure you use the tone of whimper that is never noticed by fathers, or cough, or call out for a missing toy.
2. Keep on the act even after your mother has looked after you, thus making her so thoroughly awake that sleep will evade her for at least another 60 minutes.
3. Wake up with the birds and let everyone know you’re awake.
4. When you and your mother have a nap, wake early.
5. When you’re awake, have a few tantrums. Those wear out mothers if they’re already sleep-deprived. Best to have a tantrum over things which are hard to fix, or use totally unintelligible words so your mother can’t work out how to assist you.
6. Demand delicacies and/or unsuitable food or drink ALL DAY. Refuse the finely-prepared meals that are presented to you. Scream if you feel up to it.
7. Holler and splash as much as you like during your bath, refuse to get out, holler some more while being wrestled into pyjamas, scream while having your hair brushed, and complain about being made to wear a nappy.
8. Make everything right by telling your mother “I luff you!” while giving her a hug and kiss before going to sleep. Prepare for the next 24 hours.