03 Apr

I feel lost. I don’t know where my musical identity has gone to.

Several years ago I gave up working on my solo singing. Up to that point I had spent (in total) probably thousands of dollars over the years on private tuition, travel, sheet music and more. I was a good singer. Adaptable, musical, sensitive, flexible tone, and more. I sang at weddings, worked in competitive choirs, got into motet choirs, and earned some extra money that was certainly very helpful.

But nobody wants a fat soprano. Net result: no stage or oratorio roles. Losing weight while fighting asthma with cortisone is pretty hard and on occasions, next to impossible.

So before DD was born, I decided to ‘retire’, ha ha, such as that is. I spent a month in a funk, missing participating in music, then DD arrived and I was busy again.

Now after a break from solo and choral work, I’ve returned to choirs again and I love it. I’m not as rusty as I thought I might be. (Thank goodness.) My voice is not in fighting form yet – takes time to toughen up, so to speak. But getting better all the time. Can’t wait to get back to Mozart’s Alleluia. Obviously still no solo roles. I’m still fat and unattractive, still dieting, still on cortisone, and obviously I’m older than when I was previously auditioning and there are more beautiful, talented, and skinny gals around. I accept that. I am trying hard to accept that I am not gorgeous enough for oratorios. For crying out loud, it’s the music! But … this is a small city. Singing is a closed shop when it comes to certain roles for classical music.

Maybe I should move into cabaret/comedy, which scares and thrills me.


Posted by on April 3, 2009 in Life Matters, Music


Tags: ,

2 responses to “Music

  1. andrea frazer

    April 15, 2009 at 5:37 am

    You must do a podcast so we can hear you sing! And besides, what has weight got to do with a voice? Aren’t the two things completely seperate? (Or am I missing some vocal knowledge?) Anyway, I am thrilled for you! If I had to give up writing, I’d have really lost myself. I know what it feels like to do what you are meant to do.

    • meowmie

      April 17, 2009 at 12:19 pm

      It’s all about the looks when it comes to musical theatre. Very few break the mould or the unspoken taboos. The skinnier, the better the actress moves and looks and (for certain roles) dances.


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