No child left behind – by their mother, that is

07 Mar

I haven’t posted for a week. I’ve been off work for a while fighting sinusitis and getting back into the swing of dealing with pain again. Frankly, I must be a bit of an old crock! The variable weather hasn’t helped, nor has the lack of house cleaning.

Anyway, back to what is on my mind today.

Article from here.

The article looks at Rahna Reiko Rizzuto’s experience of giving up custody of her children to become a non-custodial parent. It seems there are strong condemnations of mothers who give up custody, compared to men. If a man does not wish to take full-time or even part-time care of children after a marriage break-up, there will never be as much furore as there is with a mother who, even if there is a good reason, gives up the permanent care of children.

Rizzuto’s full essay is here at She writes:

The question I am always asked is, “How could you leave your children?” How could you be the mother who walks away? As if my children were embedded inside me, even years after birth, and had to be surgically removed? As if I abandoned them on a desert island, amid flaming airplane debris and got into the lifeboat alone?

Hyperbolic. Inflammatory. But that’s part of the point. Because my relationship with my children survives. In fact, it has improved.

I found this quite interesting. I don’t know if I would do that (in fact, since I’m widowed, it’s highly unlikely!) but I sort of admire her for speaking about it. I suspect my age and life experience has something to do with me not condemning her.


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